Remind Yourself That It's Ok Not To Be Perfect
Well I haven’t been online in a while, I have been writing though yet I haven’t wanted to share. Now I feel slightly more ready to share again. So much has happened since I wrote last, from my graduation to getting a new job and of course my sister getting married!
A lot of positive moments have happened, a lot of doors closed with so many new ones opening. I spoke before about mixed feelings traveling back to America for the graduation, well things were all over the place honestly. Yet now I am growing stronger and have something that keeps me living more each day.
I had great week with my closest friends met their families and celebrated a new beginning for us all. Breathtaking experiences when I traveled to Yosemite National Park with Jordan and my family, exploring in such beauty with three of the closets people in my life who have been there throughout everything.
Jordan has really been a true friend to me, my older brother I never had. Without him and his continues support and guidance I wouldn’t be here today, no matter what time of the day he always creates the time to speak to me, to pull me out of the darkness and bring me another day. Even if I made a decision against him he stuck through it, he knew my mind wasn’t in the right place it was confused all I was trying to do is fix something I had no chance in fixing. Many people we both know ask how we are best friends, well the answer is simple; we bring out the best in each other and are not afraid to call each other out if it is needed in the right manor. You always tell me the straight up truth and will always have my back, if someone is lying or not doing good for me you will always be the first to tell me and guide me through anything I need help with, so I just want to take another moment to say thank you to my brother, your support has been such a key factor in my recovery process.
My sisters wedding was a beautiful day, to see my sister marry the man of her dreams and see her so happy was such an amazing feeling. My god she looked amazing, I’m still rather speechless about the entire day full of happiness and joy celebrating such a wonderful time with both families and of course friends and rather a lot of alcohol. The celebrations went on long into the night and the following weekend, I got to meet some amazing new people that I know will forever be in my life and my sisters and brother in laws. Such an amazing day brought so much family back together that hadn’t spoke in many years and hopefully they continue to keep in contact, day like this always bring out so many emotions. I was truly blessed to be here and experience such a day, feeling that I wasn’t going to make it to this day I was so relived to be sitting on the main table with the beautiful couple two seats over to my left. I was rather a emotional wreck that day my mind so busy and cloudy I was doing my best to zone out my own thoughts, lucky for me I had someone by my side through out every moment of that day who genuinely cared and was so supportive to keep my mind and rest. I was able to speak about what I had been through and still connect with someone who I know will never shy away or judge me for what I have done she sees me for who I am through good and bad.
Coping with my thoughts of self harm or worse had been so hard leading up to this day trying to keep a smile on my face for my sister so she could focus on the wedding and not on how her little brother is was hard. There were times I didn’t think I would make it, but knowing how much it would mean to her to have me there kept me going. Thoughts are something we can escape we will always have thoughts, but you can change those to become more positive and negative on how you want them to be. I know its not been long but I’m gaining more positive thoughts thinking about now and my future, trying to forgive the past and move forward onto new adventures people who respect me and want me for who I am and not for who they want me to be.
I wake up every morning, read a positive quote from my little book and tell myself today will be another good day, today you will smile, really smile and if you start to feel down you will bring yourself back up.
There is a special little someone I want to mention and thank for introducing me to a poet who writes so well and another thing we can share also the amazing memories I have had and I know will continue to have with you, the goofy times, slow walking, being late to everything and getting lost, but a smile was never lost. Six of the best people having a laugh and a drink, find yourself true friends true support and believe that you will overcome the dark times, you will slowly start seeing the change.
“Draw your power where you can. Whether is comes from a place of self-confidence, a broken heart, or even a burning need to prove your critics wrong. It won’t matter what drive you to conquer the mountain where you are standing in triumph on the roof of the world.”
– Beau Taplin
To anyone who is feeling low, who cant find someone to talk with, I am here for you. I will always respond to you when I can and help you through everything I can, even if its just a chat or an idea on a book to read or video to watch I will always be here.
Thank you for you support and reading,
Means the world to me.