Remind Yourself That It's Ok Not To Be Perfect
This has taken me longer then I had wanted, first I would like to say thank you to everyone who read my first post and all the messages. I honestly have had such amazing support and kind words from everyone. Knowing that I can help others through my own experiences means the world to me.
Since my last post a lot has happened, a lot of people have opened up to me about their suffering and thanked me for speaking out also asking for advice on what to do. With this it has honestly made my mentality change and has honestly kept me here today. It hasn’t been easy and I defiantly haven’t helped myself, certain people I forced out of my life that I didn’t want too but they never wanted to fight to stay in the reality of that hurts. My actions haven’t always been good; I’m defiantly no saint.
I’m sure a lot of you reading this are wondering if I have thought about ending my life since I have opened up and had all this support from others and amazing messages… Well I have had those thoughts, yet again I haven’t acted on them I slowly am starting to see the positives I have in life and what I have going forward. A couple of new people have walked into my life and really are helping me to see what worth I have in this world, to really help me love myself again for who I can become and how I am. I try to find something that brings a bright light to my day when I’m feeling low, or go and read some of the thousands of messages I have received over the last two weeks, you guys inspire me just as much as you have said I inspire you.
Saturday I head back to America for a week, man that feels weird my usual excitement and joy is not there. It’s something different, for the first time in 4 years I’m scared to go back, why? I wish I knew, maybe it’s the people I don’t want to see, maybe I don’t want to leave the people behind again, maybe I just need to move on.
So many familiar faces, yet so many who have shown their true selves in recent weeks so maybe I shouldn’t be scared.
The past few days I have been numb, hiding away slightly I know why but I still can’t bring myself to say it out loud and not even type it. I just hope I wake up and that feeling will go away, I wake up hoping something will uplift my mood, change my mind give me something to hold onto. I realize now I have it everyday… Myself, I am the one who controls that I can make it a good day; I am the one who holds the key to my emotions. Self-love is most important, love yourself before you try to love another, and if you can be lucky enough don’t let anyone lie to you about their feelings towards you, you are one hell of a person and everyone deserves the best in their life. If you have to walk away because someone is shit towards you and lies then do it you will be better without them and they will soon realize what they lost once they get the same treatment again.
I talk with someone almost everyday, I haven learned a lot about them and what they have been through and still are going through now. This has been a major help for myself and I’m sure it has for them also, sending one another inspirations, readings and just checking up on one another its amazing what it means when you know someone who says they care actually mean it, and aren’t just saying it as t suits them at that time. Someone showed their true colors to me today after telling me so much about how their cared and more towards me it was so easy for them to just forget about everything, I ask that you who read this find and figure out the people that are genuine in your life and are not just there to be there but they mean their words when they say they love and care for you.
It may be a week or just over as I might wait until I return from America to post again we shall see, again thank you to everyone for reading and supporting me though this time. I am always here for anyone who wants to talk, please don’t hide I will never judge you I understand completely.
Thank you once again, it means so much to me.